


I Really Wanted to Kiss You

by bellasgonemissing



Series: She Kisses Like She Dances [2]
Category: Leah on the Offbeat - Becky Albertalli, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff, Girlfriends - Freeform, I love leah and abby sm, One Shot, just girls being cute together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 17:02:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14835636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellasgonemissing/pseuds/bellasgonemissing
Summary: What if Abby had said what she really wanted to that day in junior year?





	I Really Wanted to Kiss You

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write this ever since I first read LOTO and it finally happened. Hope you enjoy it !!  
> (leah on the offbeat spoilers obviously)

**Abby**

The first person I really noticed when I moved to Shady Creek was Leah Burke. She was the first person I really clicked with. We were really pretty different people but I guess opposites attract and all that. I felt like I had to put up a shield around everyone else, make a good first impression and not be too out there, not with her. She made me stop hating that we had to move to Georgia. She made me think that if she was here, maybe it wasn’t so bad.

I started sitting with her at her lunch table and I made friends with everyone else there. Simon was funny even when he didn’t mean to be and super easy to talk to, Bram was quiet but I could tell he was more interesting than the others gave him credit for. Garrett could be kind of annoying but he cared about his friends so much it made up for it. And Nick was all of those things, I think I even had a bit of a crush on him, but it was Leah who my eyes were always pulled towards. She just felt like _more_ than everyone else.

I started hanging out with Leah outside of school too. My house was too far away for her to come over but I went to her house. The walls of her room were plastered with her drawings and I could never stop admiring them. Sometimes she would draw while I was there and the effortless of it blew me away. That was the thing with Leah, she could draw or I could go over lines for the play and it didn’t feel weird, we didn’t have to be constantly interacting and whenever we _were_ talking I didn’t have to worry over what to say.

~

We had a sleepover at Morgan’s house and Leah and I were the only two left awake. We were trawling through the depths of fanfiction websites to find Simon’s secret ‘ _Love Actually_ ’ fanfic. I felt almost high from happiness. Having Leah next to me, giddy from a game of truth or dare, feeling her warmth. I swear when I shifted slightly and my body pressed against hers, it jump-started something in me. I suddenly could hardly take my eyes of her, noticing every little detail of her face, her freckles, her cheeks tinted slightly pink. She became a masterpiece, just like one of her drawings. Not that I instantly fell in love with her or anything, but every little thing I’d noticed about her before felt amplified, it felt like it meant more in that moment. And it hasn’t stopped meaning more. All I wanted to do was kiss her but I willed myself not to. I couldn’t do something like that without even thinking. That didn’t stop me from daydreaming about it constantly though.

I honestly wasn’t that taken aback by this crush I had that was only getting bigger. I knew I liked boys, I’d had a boyfriend before and a ton of crushes but my cousin is gay and her moms are married so it didn’t freak me out or anything. I think it was more the fact that this was my best friend I was thinking about in this way that made me freak out slightly. I didn’t feel like I had to work anything out either, about my sexuality. I could be bi or pan maybe but it didn’t feel very important to me. All I knew was I was definitely not straight. Leah had made me realise that.

Through all those thoughts about her freckles and hair and cute dresses and the way she laughs, the idea of kissing her didn’t let up. I wanted to tell her but I didn’t know how she would take it, she was my only proper friend in Shady Creek and I didn’t want anything weird to happen with us. And telling anyone you want to kiss them, let alone your best friend is always weird. But it wouldn’t stop pressing on my mind and it started to feel like the world would fall in on itself if I didn’t tell her. I hyped myself up, promised myself that whenever we got some time alone I would tell her. I started feeling hot whenever she talked to me and could my heart please calm down?

~

And then there we were, waiting at the buses outside school, sitting on a little ledge. Leah could just drive home but she insisted on waiting for my late bus to come. Which of course caused a whole swarm of butterflies to flutter frantically in my stomach. And I thought ‘ _this is the moment, I have to do it now otherwise I never will_ ’.

‘Hey, I have something to show you.’ she says, nerves cutting through her voice and my thoughts.

She pulls out her phone and goes onto her photos, after scrolling through her camera roll for a second she taps on a photo of one of her drawings.

‘You can’t laugh.’ She tells me, which instantly makes me laugh. She passes me her phone and I can only stare. It’s beautiful, even more so than all her other drawings. The drawing is of her and me at Morgan’s sleepover, searching through Leah’s phone for the fanfiction. Our legs are overlapping and we’re coloured in with perfectly soft tones. That was the exact moment that had meant so much to me. And I guess it meant a lot to her to. I realise she’s still sitting next to me, probably terrified that I don’t like it. I turn to her.

‘Leah’ is all I can manage to say, what could I possibly say to tell her how much I loved it? The corners of my mouth are turning upwards involuntarily.

‘It’s really rough, obviously.’ If this is rough then what was a proper drawing like?

‘I can’t believe you drew that.’ I say. ‘It’s- wow.’ ‘Wow’ is an understatement.

‘It’s nothing.’ She said, flicking her eyes away, clearly uncomfortable from my praise. I look at the drawing again and feel tears pricking my eyes. This girl.

‘I’m just’ I sigh, once again lost for words. ‘I love it so much Leah, I’m going to cry.’

‘Don’t cry.’ She says, ‘I’m glad you like it.’

‘I love it.’ I smile and move closer to her. She smells like almonds, her hair brushes my shoulder. I look at her, watery eyes threatening to spill over. She looks at me as if considering what to do, eyes flicking over my face. This is it. I tuck my legs up onto the ledge and clasp my hands together. I can’t stop staring at her. She’s so beautiful.

‘Can I tell you a secret?’ My chest feels like it’s screaming. I’m really doing it. I press my hands to my cheeks, feeling them heating.

‘Wow I’m really nervous.’ It was true, the butterflies that had taken up residence in my stomach had now declared war on my organs. My breath is catching in my throat.

‘Why are you nervous?’ She asks, her brows furrowing. God she’s adorable.

‘Because. I don’t know.’ I poke her drawing. ‘I know _exactly_ what moment that was.’ I could picture it in my head as vividly as if it was happening right then.

‘Okay’, she says quietly, I can sense she can feel something coming. My throat closes over for a second, my heart slams in my chest. I brush my hand close to hers and she draws her knees up to her chest. Here I go.

‘Leah.’ She looks right at me, eyes searching mine. ‘That night at Morgan’s, I really wanted to kiss you.’ There. I said it. That didn’t stop the panic building up in my stomach. Her eyes widen and the hint of a smile plays on her mouth. She doesn’t seem to know what to say, she just holds my hand a little tighter. That’s comforting, at least.

Finally, she takes a breath and says, ‘I really wanted to kiss you just then.’

And that’s it. My heart explodes into a million little pieces, the butterflies in my stomach fly frantically into the air around us. My hands grasp hers and I positively beam. She beams back.

‘Does this mean we should kiss?’ She asks, her eyes dancing.

I can barely even nod before I’m kissing her. My heart is pouring into hears, her hands on my face are like tiny bursts of light that seep through my body and light me up. Her hair is tickling my cheek and I am drowning in her. And then it’s over and we’re pulling away and giggling. _Leah giggling_. Her cheeks are flushed and she looks so freaking happy it makes my heart dance. I just kissed this girl.

‘Wow.’ Again, a freaking understatement.

‘I really like you Abby.’ She says, her breath a lot less shaky now.

‘I really like you too Leah, I think I’ve had a crush on you since I moved here.’ I have never seen Leah look so unapologetically happy.

‘So have I, I guess I just assumed you were straight and didn’t say anything.’

‘Well, we’ve said something now right?’ I say.

‘Yeah.’ She kisses me again, soft and quick. ‘We definitely have.’

~

**Leah**

Abby Suso is the best girlfriend in history. It’s a week since our conversation at the bus stop. A week since I showed her my drawing, since she kissed me and since I told her that I absolutely wanted to be her girlfriend. It still makes me smile and blush every time I think about it. We still haven’t told anyone, all week at school we’ve tried to be lowkey but she’s been to my house almost every day after school and that has definitely not been lowkey. Abby’s a great kisser.

We’ve agreed that we will tell people soon, it’s just that neither of us are out yet and it feels kind of nice for this to just be our thing for now. I’ve planned to tell Simon and Nick at the same time though, two birds with one stone. I’ve imagined coming out to them a thousand times over the years and I’m not even that nervous about it, we’ve never talked about gay stuff or anything and I’m pretty sure Simon thinks I have a crush on Nick, but they’ve always been cool with my drawings and Simon even got really into Drarry fanfiction a couple years ago. And they’ve been my best friends for forever so I almost can’t imagine them _not_ accepting me.

It’s how they’ll feel about me dating Abby that I’m more worried about, mainly Nick’s reaction. It’s pretty clear he has a crush on Abby but, I mean he hasn’t said anything. And the Nick Eisner lovesick eyes haven’t started yet so hopefully he won’t be too heartbroken. Or angry at me.

So a few days later when I’m hanging out at Nick’s after school feels like the perfect time. We’re doing our usual thing, playing video games in the rocking chairs, not talking that much, only occasional comments about the Game of Thrones episodes we’re up to. I’m trying not to think about the conversation we’re about to have. I think coming out is inherently nerve-wracking, no matter what you think the outcome’s going to be.

Simon finishes rehearsals at six, Abby’s in the play as well of course, she’s a fucking star. I hear Simon’s car pull up in Nick’s driveway and start to hype myself up, reminding myself that this is no big deal. Simon comes in, flops down on the floor and immediately starts complaining about Taylor Metternich, I can’t blame him.

After we sink into silence again, I decide it’s the time. ‘Hey guys can I talk to you about something?’ I’m twirling my hair around my finger.

‘Mmm.’ Nick hums, still focusing on the TV. Simon looks up at me.

‘So the thing is.’ I sigh. ‘Abby and I are dating.’

The look on Simon’s face, so stunned. I love him. Nick also looks stunned but not in such a good way.

‘Really?’ Simon says, incredulously. ‘Wow.’ Yep Simon, pretty much how I feel about it too.

‘Yeah. Only for about a week’, I say.

‘Oh, that’s great!’ He still looks pretty taken aback. ‘I mean you’re great, Abby’s great.’

‘You seem pretty shocked.’ ‘Oh, I mean I guess I just didn’t know you weren’t straight.’ He says. ‘Wow Leah, how come I never knew that.’

‘Because you’re very unobservant.’I smile.

‘Fuck you, no I’m not.’

‘Sure, sure.’ I roll my eyes. ‘But yeah, I’m bi.’ I find that it doesn’t feel weird telling him, I really do love him.

His face gets serious for a second, he takes my hand. ‘You’re really brave Leah, thanks for telling us.’

That’s when I realise Nick still hasn’t said anything, he’s just looking at Simon and I, his face a mixture of hurt, confusion and very badly attempted happiness.

‘Uh, Nick, you okay?’ Simon asks.

‘What?’ He seems to snap back into reality. ‘Uh yeah, that’s great Abby.’

I mean I guess I knew this was coming. ‘Look Nick I know you like her.’

‘Oh yeah, it’s nothing.’

‘Its not nothing, you’re allowed to have feelings.’

I think something turns in him. I think he realises that there’s no point being angry about it.

‘Well yeah I do like her and I guess it sucks that she likes someone else but its okay Leah, you clearly really like her judging by how much you’re blushing right now and she must like you so I guess I’m not thrilled but I’m fine with it. It would be pretty shitty of me not to be.’

Okay that was actually better than I was expecting. ‘Wow, thanks Nick, that’s um, really nice of you. I’m still sorry you’re hurt.’ I say.

He smiles, ‘I’m happy for you Leah. You deserve this. Anyway’, she leans back and stretches. ‘I’m sure you guys will be sickly sweet together.’

Okay I love Nick too. ‘Nah, we’ll be very classy.’

‘Sure Leah, I think you’re secretly a sappy romantic.’

‘Never.’ I smile.

~

**Abby**

It’s very difficult not be a sappy romantic around Leah. I smile almost every time I see her. She told Simon and Nick we were together and apparently, they took it really well. Although I’m starting to think it would have better if she didn’t tell them because Simon keeps raising his eyebrows at us every time he sees us together and telling us how much he ships us. Why am I friends with this kid?

Simon’s comments don’t make Leah any less adorable though and if I wasn’t part of the relationship, I would totally ship us too. She does little things like shuffle closer to me on the couch in Mr Wise’s class so our bodies are pressed together. She makes me little origami cranes out of whatever paper she can find in class with little messages written on their wings like ‘ _Stop being so cute, I can’t concentrate_ ’ or ‘ _I swear Ms Dowe can’t even open her mouth without shouting_ ’. They make me have to hide my face in my arm I’m smiling so much. In return I hold her hand under the table at lunch and slip notes through the slats of her locker after school so she can find them the next day. I guess we’re being super cliché and lovey dovey but I don’t even care, Leah’s too awesome not me sickeningly cute with.

We go out to get ice coffee and cookies about a month after we started dating. It’s starting to get colder outside and Leah’s cheeks are flushed with it, I hold her hand ‘for warmth’. We get a seat in the corner of the coffee shop, Leah orders for both of us; of course, she remembers to get mine with milk. I talk for a little about ‘ _Oliver!_ ’ and she tells me about how she’s been teaching herself the drums. Seriously. My girlfriend. A drummer.

‘Have you done any more drawings?’ I ask. Ever since I saw that drawing of us at Morgan’s house, I’ve wanted to see everything she makes. She still feels a little weird about it sometimes but I think she’s warming to it.

She opens up her tumblr where she posts some of her drawings. As soon as I found out about it I immediately followed and reblogged almost every one. She hands me her phone takes a sip of her coffee and focuses on my reaction. I guess my face must light up because she has to try hard to hide her smile. As much as she says her art isn’t that good, I know she’s really proud of it.

‘Leah, how are you so talented?’

‘I’m not.’ She mumbles.

She’s so amazing. I look back up at her. ‘You should take commissions.’ I know people would pay for drawings like these.

‘What?’ She looks stunned.

‘People would a hundred percent pay for these Leah, they’re amazing.’

‘You just have to say that cause you’re dating me.’ She says.

No I don’t’, I laugh. ‘Anyone would say that.’

‘Who would even want to commission me in the first place? Let alone actually pay the money.’

‘Um, maybe one of your thousands of followers?’

She rolls her eyes but smiles at the same time.

‘Leah, I promise you these are amazing, I’m not just saying that. You should at least consider it.’ I say.

She looks at me, maybe searching for a lie in my eyes. ‘Okay fine, I’ll do it.’

I grin and hug her tightly, Leah’s not a super huggy person but she hugs me back anyway.

I pull away. ‘In fact.’ I take out my phone and bring up her tumblr, making sure she can’t see the screen. After a minute of typing I put my phone back on the table.

‘Check your phone.’

She glares at me. ‘What have you done?’

Her phone is lit up with a message on her tumblr: **Commission request: two girls kissing in a coffee shop.**

I take her hand and she shakes her head despairingly. ‘You are such a dork Abby Suso.’

And she kisses me.  

**Author's Note:**

> Most of the dialogue and actions from the part at the bus stop are taken directly from Leah on the Offbeat, they're Becky's not mine !!


End file.
